Guinea Pig

Sunday, January 22, 2006

Look what ten inches can do!

Or, er ... minus ten inches.

Jason looks so hot after phase one of his makeover, when his ponytail was lopped off.

And soon, you can read all about the entire makeover in the Palm Springs newspaper.

We're such teases.

Let 'Er Strip!

Friday, January 20, 2006

I haven't been inspired to write much outside of work lately. I think so much has been going on, I don't even know where to start.

But when I do begin writing again, I'll have to dish about my pole-dancing class. So fun. And I get to wear these fierce six-inch platform heels!

Wild weekend

Sunday, January 08, 2006

So far, my weekend has involved ballooning, almond-flavored champagne and Jake Gyllenhaal. And it's barely even half over.

More details to come. In the meantime, enjoy this delectable photo I took of my favorite gay cowboy.

Last Leap?

Wednesday, January 04, 2006
I'm seriously thinking about quitting skydiving.

The time is right. I have so little of my gear left, and I would rather quit now than after I replace everything. I don't have the money to devote to it. And I'm turning 30 this year -- I'm right about the age where I should be starting a family and concentrating on other aspects of my life.

It makes me tear up a little to think about leaving the sport, after everything I've gained from it, after all the ways it has changed me for the better.

I've just been so frustrated with it lately. I'm no good in the air. I can't seem to improve. I can't land on my feet. I struggle with every bit of it, when it should be coming to me naturally by now. And I feel like I'm wasting my time and money by trying to get better, because it just isn't happening. I'm just meh.

I keep trying to figure out exactly what skydiving does for me. I know now that I'll never be a champion skydiver. I'll never be an instructor. I'll never be some wild, cutting-edge, push-the-limits swooper or anything. So why do it?

For the past couple years, it's been the skydiving family that has kept me in the sport. When I think back on the very best moments of my life, almost all of them took place at Skydive Wayne County.

Now that I live in Southern California, I don't have that family anymore. The skydivers are different here. I don't see the same amount of unity and friendship, even among the people who are regulars and know everyone at the dropzone. It's simply not a community out here. And my God, do I ever need that right now -- I miss my friends back home so much.

You know, I love the feeling of skydiving. I love the moment my feet leave the plane, I love the speed of freefall, I love the smell of air on my skin after a jump. But are those 60-second spurts of happiness enough to balance out everything else? The risk, the time, the cash, the fear, the constant feelings of inadequacy? I honestly don't know.

I'm at a huge crossroads right now. And I could easily go any direction.

Jumping into the New Year

Monday, January 02, 2006

It wasn't the best skydive I've ever made.

I was rusty, since I haven't been in the air for far too long. I fumbled the exit, because I can never make my body go completely straight when I'm upside-down. I was backsliding and shrunk away from my friend Lew every time she tried to dock. On my landing, I slid in on my rear and got my legs all muddy.

I was uncomfortable the whole skydive from start to finish. The sky was thick with bloated rainclouds, which drifted away just long enough for our jump. But it was still all cold and blustery up there, making for a turbulent and uncomfortable freefall.

Plus, I'm still working on replacing the gear that was stolen along with my car, so I was wearing a mish-mash of borrowed stuff.

The goggles poked the skin right under my eyes. I had no audible altimeter. The visual altimeter only had tiny digital numbers, making it difficult to read. I wasn't wearing a jumpsuit, only some Nike track pants and a fleece. And the helmet had this thing around my chin that made me claustrophobic in my own head.

But after six months, I was finally back in the air with Jason -- his first time skydiving since the accident over July 4 weekend. His back has finally healed, his pelvis was put back together, all Humpty-Dumpty like. And mentally? I still can't gauge where he's at. Sometimes I think the sadness has become such a part of us deep down inside, we can't even begin to talk about it.

The symbolism of this skydive could have been profound, you know? Jumping into the new year ... making a big leap ... taking flight ...

But really, all that was pushed away, shoved into some other place. This jump wasn't anything heavy or foreboding or sad or scary. It was happy and light, like one of those dreams where your body leaves the bed and you soar through all space and time.

I just wish you could have seen the look on Jason's face. Finally he could smile.

Auld Land Syne

Sunday, January 01, 2006

What would happen if this year I said yes instead of no?

If I took chances instead of the routine?

If I roamed a road of adventure instead of the same old easy route?

This might be that year.

Welcome, 2006!