Last Leap?
I'm seriously thinking about quitting skydiving.
The time is right. I have so little of my gear left, and I would rather quit now than after I replace everything. I don't have the money to devote to it. And I'm turning 30 this year -- I'm right about the age where I should be starting a family and concentrating on other aspects of my life.
It makes me tear up a little to think about leaving the sport, after everything I've gained from it, after all the ways it has changed me for the better.
I've just been so frustrated with it lately. I'm no good in the air. I can't seem to improve. I can't land on my feet. I struggle with every bit of it, when it should be coming to me naturally by now. And I feel like I'm wasting my time and money by trying to get better, because it just isn't happening. I'm just meh.
I keep trying to figure out exactly what skydiving does for me. I know now that I'll never be a champion skydiver. I'll never be an instructor. I'll never be some wild, cutting-edge, push-the-limits swooper or anything. So why do it?
For the past couple years, it's been the skydiving family that has kept me in the sport. When I think back on the very best moments of my life, almost all of them took place at Skydive Wayne County.
Now that I live in Southern California, I don't have that family anymore. The skydivers are different here. I don't see the same amount of unity and friendship, even among the people who are regulars and know everyone at the dropzone. It's simply not a community out here. And my God, do I ever need that right now -- I miss my friends back home so much.
You know, I love the feeling of skydiving. I love the moment my feet leave the plane, I love the speed of freefall, I love the smell of air on my skin after a jump. But are those 60-second spurts of happiness enough to balance out everything else? The risk, the time, the cash, the fear, the constant feelings of inadequacy? I honestly don't know.
I'm at a huge crossroads right now. And I could easily go any direction.
The time is right. I have so little of my gear left, and I would rather quit now than after I replace everything. I don't have the money to devote to it. And I'm turning 30 this year -- I'm right about the age where I should be starting a family and concentrating on other aspects of my life.
It makes me tear up a little to think about leaving the sport, after everything I've gained from it, after all the ways it has changed me for the better.
I've just been so frustrated with it lately. I'm no good in the air. I can't seem to improve. I can't land on my feet. I struggle with every bit of it, when it should be coming to me naturally by now. And I feel like I'm wasting my time and money by trying to get better, because it just isn't happening. I'm just meh.
I keep trying to figure out exactly what skydiving does for me. I know now that I'll never be a champion skydiver. I'll never be an instructor. I'll never be some wild, cutting-edge, push-the-limits swooper or anything. So why do it?
For the past couple years, it's been the skydiving family that has kept me in the sport. When I think back on the very best moments of my life, almost all of them took place at Skydive Wayne County.
Now that I live in Southern California, I don't have that family anymore. The skydivers are different here. I don't see the same amount of unity and friendship, even among the people who are regulars and know everyone at the dropzone. It's simply not a community out here. And my God, do I ever need that right now -- I miss my friends back home so much.
You know, I love the feeling of skydiving. I love the moment my feet leave the plane, I love the speed of freefall, I love the smell of air on my skin after a jump. But are those 60-second spurts of happiness enough to balance out everything else? The risk, the time, the cash, the fear, the constant feelings of inadequacy? I honestly don't know.
I'm at a huge crossroads right now. And I could easily go any direction.
This entry was posted on
Wednesday, January 04, 2006 at 9:18 PM.
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By
Joe Wessels, at
11:48 AM
Uh.............................................................................................
By
Wes, at
12:33 AM
I can understand the "missing your friends" thing. I love my new gig and the people here, but being back in Cincinnati over the holidays...wow, that's a great bunch of people I used to hang with.
Fortunately, most of them are coming to the wedding.
WF
By
egoc, at
12:05 PM
Hey Maggie... I don't know you, other than from what I read on your blog yesterday! I'm Seth. Slow day at work and I was on hold for an hour so I read all the way back through May! Are you a writer for any skydiving publications or what? You have amazing insight into the sport. I'm only a student with 12 jumps, out at the DZ every weekend hoping for clear skies or a ceiling of 3,500 at least. I can relate to so much of what you write. I think it's great. Sorry to see you're not feeling too well about skydiving. I know for me it wouldn't be as much fun without the family I've made at my DZ up at Skydive Snohomish.
Oh, and I just wanted to say that I'm glad things worked out well and your boyfriend is up and walking again. :D have a wonderful day!
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