Photo Friday

Friday, June 22, 2007
This Friday's challenge was "dream."

Dream bowler.

I don't actually dream about bowling. But I do think this ghost-like figure looks like something out of a dream.

Like a Long Empty Road Going Nowhere

Wednesday, June 20, 2007
I stopped at home to have lunch with my boyfriend. But then there was bickering, then a full-fledged fight, and somehow I ended up curled fetal on the bed, crying until my cheeks burned.

My wishes are not wildly ridiculous. I want a house. Eventually I want a baby.

We can't afford it. And it'll be years before he is in any kind of financial position to contribute to the household.

He tells me to be patient. To give it ten years. To put things on hold for another decade.

Ten years.

Usually I'm optomistic about it. We squeeze each other tight, and I say, "At least we have each other! Nobody can take our spirit!"

But today I'm sad and depressed. I'm feeling sorry for myself. I ask him to tell me it's all going to be OK. He can't, and instead he gets mad.

It's not going to be OK. There are things out of our control. Grief, pain, legal disputes, financial and emotional bankruptcy.

I cry and cry and cry. It all looks so grim when you're seeing things with blurry eyes.

There's another piece of the puzzle, a woman out there, and not a night goes by that I don't send her compassion, grace and peace. My friends, too, have put her on prayer list after prayer list. Even 2,000 miles away, we try to envelop her with love and understanding.

And I have to choke back gulps of sadness on a day like today, when I realize that not all the light and goodness and love in the world make one bit of difference.

I could scrub my skin raw, try to peel the accident off my skin, and it's still not good enough. How do you ever detach yourself from the past? How many times can you say you're sorry? How do you move into the future from a point like this?

He holds me and his eyes are a flash flood, tears streaking down his face.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry," he says. "I wish I could make it better. But I can't."

Photo Friday

Friday, June 08, 2007
Today's challenge: Purity


This was actually a fitting challenge for my mood lately.

I've been doing twice daily meditation, which has helped to clear a lot of the baggage in my head, like a chalkboard being wiped clean.

I emerge pure of heart and mind.

Photo Friday

Tuesday, June 05, 2007
White Party Kisses

Photo Friday challenge: How I see myself.

I love this photo of me. I think it's very reflective of the person I am, as well as the person I want to be -- fun, adventurous, full of life, playful, warm.

However, it's also the photo I use for my work blog, and people HATE this picture. I've gotten letters about it, phone calls, emails. Who knew a photo could promt such ire?

Most recently I got this email: "Maggie, Maggie, the blog ...hate the picture of you. It makes you look like Bridget Jones laid out for burial wrapped in a boa. You deserve better."