There are a lot of things I still want to say about the accident.

I want to say that Sean will be missed beyond understanding. He was a constant at the dropzone and we shared countless beers and conversations together. He jumped a big, old, lumbering parachute, and everyone gave him good-natured hell about it. He had a grin that spanned miles.

I want to say that finding out my boyfriend was involved in the accident was the worst fear I've ever known. The image of him nearly naked and shaking in the emergency room still haunts me every night in my dreams. I want to get sick when I think of the pain he continues to feel in his body and in his heart.

I want to say that the whole incident still doesn't make sense. I can't wrap my head around it. I can't believe it happened here, happened this way, happened to us. Sometimes I scrunch my eyes shut and try to rewind time.

I want to say that I'm tired of talking about the accident. I hate rehashing it and answering questions and reliving that feeling of vomit in my stomach. Then another part of me wants to talk of nothing else, because it changed my life so significantly, I can't rid my mind of it. I'm hurt and angry when other people tire of hearing about it. I want to shout it out to the world and then retreat.

I want to say how far things go beyond the news stories. This wasn't just a mid-air collision. It was two men who had been friends for a long time. Their lives intersected. And now they will be forever intertwined.

I want to say that Jason spent the last few moments of Sean's life with him. And Sean was happy.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, July 26, 2005 at 11:17 PM. You can skip to the end and leave a response.